Getting Back On Track With Running... Why It Hasn't Worked Out Every Other Time.

A quick disclaimer to say that in this post, I do discuss weight gain so if this is something that is triggering for you, feel free to pass on reading this.

Over the last few years, ever since I met my boyfriend, I've been on quite the journey with running, and it's something that I grew to love. I've had many conversations over the last year or so about "getting back on track" and I find myself back in the same spot time and time again. In today's post, I want to talk about how that has came about, what was happening with me during that time and why now I'm determined to change that.

I don't know how many times I've said to friends and family that I'm "getting back on track with my running", every time I say it, I really feel like this time is going to be different then, it's not different at all.

If you've ever tried to run for the first time, you'll know the feeling of being really tired, your mind telling you that this is too much, doubting whether you can run a few hundred metres, wanting to stop constantly and feeling like you're letting yourself down. Well, imagine that feeling every time you went out for a run; that's what it was like for me while I was trying to build my running up again and it did more harm than good. I absolutely love the post-run feeling, it's one of the best feelings in the world, but no matter how far I ran, I was disappointed in myself. I was irritated that I had ran further before, I was annoyed that I was so much more tired than before and I felt like I was slowing my boyfriend down because I felt like I was asking him to pull back on our speed.

Imagine feeling like that on every run when you're trying to get back into routine? It wasn't fun and it made me not want to run anymore, which is really sad because it used to brighten up my day previously. I would avoid conversations with Scott when he suggested a run, I would feel a sense of relief when he wasn't feeling up to it and I felt quite anxious when I even had it planned in my diary.

“Comparison is the thief of joy"

It's true what they say about comparison, it really is the thief of joy and there's only one thing worse than comparing yourself to other people, and that's comparing yourself to someone who you used to be. For me, I'm constantly comparing myself to someone who used to run multiple times a week, who weighed less and therefore had more energy. At the same time, that person who was doing that running, wasn't happy with certain aspects of their life around that period. Putting it into perspective, I'm a much happier person right now, obviously dealing with the circumstances around lockdown like everyone else has been tough, but I'm very different to who I was when I was in my running prime, so to speak.

(Above is when I was a regular at the local parkrun, it used to be one of my favourite things to do at the weekend, and I always felt so good for it after.)

So what exactly changed for me right now, compared to all the other times?

First and foremost, I loved running, I really did and it took a long time to get to that point. It was really a love hate relationship particularly at the beginning and there were quite a few times that I had to judge whether a run was good for me. I wrote a post a few years ago about how this idea of "going out for a walk or a run to help us feel better" doesn't always work. I'm sure you've heard the phrase, "you never regret the workout you do", well I can tell you sometimes you do regret it. As someone who has had depression for a few years now, there's nothing more frustrating than advice online that says "go out for a walk to help you feel better" and while I'm an advocate of getting the fresh air and your exercise for the day, it's not always going to make you feel better. It made me feel worse in some cases and it was really disheartening. Thankfully, I'm able to judge quite well when I should be exercising and when it's the best time for me to take that time out.

Another reason, and you don't need me to tell you how quarantine and lockdown has been for any of us. It's been tough, it's been a rollercoaster and it's something that we'll never forget. For me, I was coping quite well and then I had a few months where it got to me a lot, then I was fine again. It was amazing at one point because I was going out on walks every day and even had a one hundred day streak of getting so many steps, but then as it came into the colder, winter months, it became a lot harder to cross over the door. It's hard not to let the cold get to you but no-one wants to be out in the rain and the wind all the time just to get their steps or their exercise in, and from someone who would struggle to push themselves in the right direction at times, this was quite a tough one for me

Weight gain and seeing my body change over this time has been one that I had wrestled with also; I know that I'm not at a weight that is healthy for me and I'm all for body positivity but for me personally, I know I'm in a better mental shape when I know that physically, I am healthier. (I know this sound contradictory to my earlier point of being a better runner but not feeling great mentally, but because I know that my mindset has changed so much compared to then, the physical side of this is going to be much easier to work on, does that make sense?) Lockdown had a massive part to play in that; I wasn't walking to work every day and I was eating more treats than ever before, so I'm certainly not surprised that my body changed because my circumstances had completely changed; but learning to deal with the changes and then knowing what to do about that, that was the challenge.

Now that we're coming into the Spring and Summer weather, it's becoming easier to get outside again and have a more positive mindset about it, and that is such a key factor to it all. But because I loved running and I want to experience that rush again, I'm now willing to put in the time and effort to achieve it but this time, I'm really excited to do that.

A monthly running diary?

I absolutely loved writing about my running years ago; whether it was about my morning at the local parkrun, a training run that was helping me train for a race or when I had decided to go out for a normal run on a Sunday afternoon. It was so nice to get my progress throughout the posts, and while I sometimes post on Instagram about the latest run I take, I want to document it in more detail.

That's why I'm dedicating one post a month on the blog talking about my training for that month; at the moment, I'm not training for any race, distance or time; at this point, I want to try and build myself up gradually again and then I can concentrate on those factors.

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I'm genuinely excited to get back in my running shoes more often, not only for the mental benefits that I know will be wonderful, but to see that progress grow again. It's a great feeling when you get better over time, and it's hard to beat that. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post, I really appreciate it.

Have a great day!