Let’s Talk About Bumble BFF.
As an almost thirty year old woman, I have spoken to so many friends, work colleagues and online friends over the years, about how hard it is to create new friendships as an adult outside of work or your hobbies. I have been on Bumble BFF for about a year and a half, so I wanted to talk about my experience so far and why I have zero shame when wanting to make new friendships. (Also, this is another post that has been posted before but it has been slightly updated, enjoy!)
• • •
If you’re on the dating scene, you will have probably heard of Bumble, a lot of people liken it to an alternative version of Tinder where you swipe left and right on someone based on their profile and their appearance.
Now, for the longest time, females especially have been wanting an app where they can make friends in their local area, because we all know that making friends as adults is hard! And wah-la, we now have it! It’s called Bumble BFF and does exactly what it says on the tin.
When I first mentioned it to people, especially my boyfriend and my co-workers in a previous role, they didn’t really know what to think about it. They thought it was pretty odd but I still wanted to find out more about it, so I kept going with it. Having used dating apps in the past, it was a little odd because it felt like dating; judging someone’s profile, asking them about their interests, seeing if you vibe with them; admittedly it’s weird doing that while you’re sitting with your boyfriend. He knew it was innocent though and was interested to see who I was talking to.
I’m a shy person but I feel like I can be myself when I’m not face-to-face so talking over an app worked so much better in my favour.
I don’t have a lot of friends and the friends I do have, they don’t intertwine so in almost every instance, it’s a one-on-one catch-up rather than a big group. Thinking back to secondary school, I was in a big group of friends throughout most of my high school years and unless you were loud, you never really got a word in, so I’ve always felt intimidated by larger groups. I don’t like being the centre of attention either (it’s the ONE thing I’m dreading about getting married!) so having a group of people paying attention to me is much more intimidating than a one-on-one conversation. I feel like I have been getting better at engaging in conversations and really listening to people when they’re telling stories, but that developed back in my old job when that’s where the real answers to questions came from.
This is going to sound weird but judging someone from the first look of their profile, I don’t mind that and I’ll tell you why! When I was on Tinder a few years ago, I had a few tell-tale signs that I would use to know if I was going to swipe “no” for someone. If they had their snapchat name (that was the biggest no no!), if they used a really silly or sexual pun (no thanks hun!) or if they only used all group photographs. The whole group photographs gave me a sign that they weren’t independent and while that might not be true for everyone, that’s the impression I had. It’s the same for Bumble BFF and while it’s not a dating app, you can use the same tricks essentially to see if you would be a good fit. I’ll give a few examples; I’m not a drinker so I’m not going to fit well with someone who is looking to find more friends to go on a night out with. If someone is a huge Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings fan and wants someone to talk about that for hours, I know I’m not going to be that person. I’m not saying you should judge everyone because that’s just the front cover and you don’t know about the person in the pages, but I personally think the majority of the time, you can tell when you’re going to vibe with someone and when you’re not.
One of the great features of Bumble BFF is, if anyone is being rude or trying to use the app to date, you can report them very easily and you can move on but the majority of the time, everyone has been lovely. You’ll get quite a few people who you will talk to for a while, and they’ll disappear from the app and you didn’t manage to get their number to keep chatting on What’s App or any other social media. I’ve had it happen to me a few times and I’ve been disappointed because I would have loved to meet up with them, but there’s not much you can do unless they come back on the app. It’s a lesson learned, suggest a meet-up sooner rather than later!
I’ve met some really lovely women on the app, and quite a few I still meet up with now. We’ve been out for dinner, meet up for a coffee and even had after work drinks. We text almost every day and while it’s all well and good chatting for ages but the whole point of friendship is making sure you keep on top of it all, it’s a two-way street at the end of the day. Making sure you check in even if it’s every once in a while or meeting up for a coffee or dinner, it can really help build a friendship further.
• • •
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to build your friendship circle. I have zero shame in signing up for an app to find more friends, that’s not embarrassing to me so if you have any worries about that, there’s nothing wrong with trying to improve yourself and by building more friendships, you are building yourself up. I would recommend it to absolutely anyone, no matter what age you are, because you can set the settings the way you want. You can adjust the age range, what religion you are, what your core interests are, if you have children; it’s all in the app so you can find the right person or the right people for you.
Have a great day!